I took a Bath....

We went to Bath, NC this weekend. It is the oldest town in North Carolina (established in 1705). The town has almost the same dimensions as it originally did so we were able to walk the whole thing. Blackbeard the Pirate lived there for a while when he got married for the 14th time.

Ian was interested in the graveyard. He has been talking about my brother a lot lately. When we went on a walk a few nights ago he commented at every manhole cover that Uncle Jensen was buried there. I think he must be processing all this new info about death and grieving right now. He tells me that Uncle Jensen is dead a lot. He tells me that he (Jensen) is in a big hole. He tells me that he misses him. I tell him that I have lots of dreams about Jensen and he says, "Me too!"

The best part of the day was the visit to the swimming hole. We found a little state park with a cool spot for swimming. The water was a murky green-brown and salty, but felt great on a hot day. We found tons of shells-some with barnacles on them and some with living creatures still in them! Ian was able to walk all the way out to the edge of the swimming area without the water going over his head. He was thrilled to be in the water with me and Buck. He asked for rides on our backs and called us "Mommy and Daddy Seahorse".

I am so glad to have these two guys in my life.

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Cool! I'm in Gryffindor!

For Jensen

I don't know how else to start this post; My brother Jensen committed suicide. He died on February 9th. He lived in Utah so we didn't get to see each other very often but we talked almost daily. We were close. I just can't believe it.

He was such a cool guy. He was an artist. He taught himself how to play guitar, he wrote songs, he drew, he painted, he wrote stories and poems. He wrote the lyrics for a musical adaptation of the Legend of Sleepy Hollow. He loved music and poetry and horror movies and Vincent Price. He was kind and thoughtful. He was gentle. He was my go-to guy. He knew or would quickly find the answer to any question. He was smart. He prided himself on being funny and witty. He was clever. He was always very loving to me. He encouraged me and loved me and didn't judge me. When he found out how much I loved photography he bought me my first digital camera. He shared. He rooted for the underdog. We had lots of plans together. He was 32.

I still can't believe he is gone. I went to his funeral. I went through his things in the apartment where he died. I came back home. I've already put his things in my house. Life is moving on. But I miss him. I wish I could talk to him. I wish he had called me that day.

He had been suffering from depression for 14 years. He felt that his life had become unbearable. I wish I could have shouldered some of the burden for him. I know that I did help him I but wish I could have done more. I wish he was still here.

This is how I like to think of him now: happy and free and light. Floating like a leaf on the wind. Flying like a bird, legs swinging and the wind in his hair. I am not sure what waits for us all after we die, but I hope it includes peace for Jensen. I miss him and love him everyday.

Jensen Reed 11/14/1974-02/09/2007

The End of October

We have been so busy in the last couple of weeks. That is not the norm for us but we are enjoying it nonetheless.

At the end of October we took Ian to the NC State Fair for the first time. Buck was able to change work around for the day so he came with us. We had basically counted on not riding anything but Ian surprised us by asking to go through the funhouse and on the ferris wheel. It was a cool moment to be up in the air on a glorious day with my little family.

He and I shared a big turkey leg and corn, we looked at cows and various poultry, and Ian rode a real pony. Ian's favorite thing at the fair though was the cow robot. There was a plush cow who was riding on a mini John Deere tractor. The cow could talk and he could hear us talk too! Ian spent a long time just watching the cow from the sidelines. After a while he felt comfortable enough to approach the cow. He talked to the cow a bit and gave it a pat on the head before running off.

There can be only one

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It's been a while

I almost forgot I had a blog. I haven't written in over a year now. Ian is almost 2 and a half. He is lots of fun and very chatty. Some of his favorite things now are: cars and trucks, Star Wars "guys" (action figures), his supey Superman cape, drawing, dancing, singing, trains, swordfighting with Dad and hanging out with friends and family.

We went to Virginia earlier this month. We all really enjoyed visiting Jamestown and Busch Gardens. We were pretty tired by the time we got to Williamsburg on the last day so we left early.

Ian is always learning new stuff and testing out new theories. In this picture he was plugging his ears while humming and talking to hear the difference in sound. We love to paint together, he enjoys sorting silverware and listening to music. He is cool.

Do I have to think of a title?

So I have been bad about writing.....We have been having a fairly busy summer. Ian and I spent the last week of June with the in-laws. We had a good time and Ian had a couple of "very important" firsts while we were there. While at Wendy's one day he both learned to drink from a straw and dip a fry in ketchup. He has been wanting to use a straw for a while now so that was cool. The dipping was a fluke. I had done the typical mom thing of breaking up fries and some burger into small pieces and putting them on a napkin in front of Ian. We were all chatting and not paying attention to the boy. All of the sudden he grabbed a fry out of his aunt's fry box and dipped it in her ketchup and ate the whole thing. For some reason my aunt started crying at this (since it is a rite of passage in American culture) and so I snapped a picture.

We went to Nottley Lake in Georgia one day during our visit. Ian didn't think much of swimming but enjoyed running around and tripping over a concrete culvert that drained into the lake. At lunch he would have nothing to do with the hard boiled egg or hot dog that I had broken up for him. He grabbed a whole hot dog and started eating away. In my head I always think "Baby eating hot dog = Choke! Choke! Fire! Alarm!" but he would not be deterred from doing it himself. This is one of those times when I just let him do it himself and keep a close watch on the proceedings.


We are heading to Florida this weekend for our official summer vacation. I am hoping that we will be able to see the shuttle launch on the 13th. It has always been my secret wish to be an astronaut. I will turn 28 while we are in Florida. I will write and post pictures upon my return.