Missing my brother

I am missing Jensen a lot these days. I dug up some stuff that he drew just to make myself smile.

I think this one is a wishful thinking self-portrait








Inspired by actual events!



This was a Christmas present to my mom and if you look closely you can

see that it says "Merry Christmas."

The Pedestrian and TV

Ray Bradbury is one of my favorite authors. I was recently watching an episode of 'The Ray Bradbury Theater" (RBT) based on his short story 'The Pedestrian'. I have been really been on a RBT kick ever since Jensen told me that he bought me a DVD set of them right after Christmas. He was never able to give them to me in person but I found them in his apartment after he died and now I have assigned them some special, tallismatic significance to them since he touched them and meant for me to have them and I miss him a bunch. Anyway, Buck walked in while I was watching and we talked about how it is one of his favorite Bradbury stories. It is about a man who goes for a walk at night in a future where people don't leave their houses or their TV sets. The man is questioned by a police as if he is a criminal for not going with the flow by sitting at home in front of the TV. Of course right after we watched it we got all fired up and went for a walk.

The other day on one of the unschooling lists I read there was a link to this article by Ray. He says in the interview that 'Fahrenheit 451' was never about censorship but about his dislike of television. That seemed ironic when the interviewer pointed out that he had a flat-screen TV turned on during the whole interview! I think that Ray Bradbury is one of the greatest authors out there but I don't agree with his comments about TV. I know that watching TV has led me to read things I wouldn't have otherwise found, investigate new-to-me things, and make connections and strengthen relationships with my family.

For example, we are going to Florida next week and we are making a special trip to visit a 7-Eleven because of 'The Simpsons'. For the month of July they are making certain stores into Kwik-E-Marts complete with Buzz Cola and Krusty-O cereal. My little family has had hours of laughter and inside jokes and pop culture and trivia and connections from this show. We are thrilled to be able to see the Kwik-E-Mart. We would sure be missing out if we never watched TV.

I took a Bath....

We went to Bath, NC this weekend. It is the oldest town in North Carolina (established in 1705). The town has almost the same dimensions as it originally did so we were able to walk the whole thing. Blackbeard the Pirate lived there for a while when he got married for the 14th time.

Ian was interested in the graveyard. He has been talking about my brother a lot lately. When we went on a walk a few nights ago he commented at every manhole cover that Uncle Jensen was buried there. I think he must be processing all this new info about death and grieving right now. He tells me that Uncle Jensen is dead a lot. He tells me that he (Jensen) is in a big hole. He tells me that he misses him. I tell him that I have lots of dreams about Jensen and he says, "Me too!"

The best part of the day was the visit to the swimming hole. We found a little state park with a cool spot for swimming. The water was a murky green-brown and salty, but felt great on a hot day. We found tons of shells-some with barnacles on them and some with living creatures still in them! Ian was able to walk all the way out to the edge of the swimming area without the water going over his head. He was thrilled to be in the water with me and Buck. He asked for rides on our backs and called us "Mommy and Daddy Seahorse".

I am so glad to have these two guys in my life.

be sorted @ nimbo.net

Cool! I'm in Gryffindor!

For Jensen

I don't know how else to start this post; My brother Jensen committed suicide. He died on February 9th. He lived in Utah so we didn't get to see each other very often but we talked almost daily. We were close. I just can't believe it.

He was such a cool guy. He was an artist. He taught himself how to play guitar, he wrote songs, he drew, he painted, he wrote stories and poems. He wrote the lyrics for a musical adaptation of the Legend of Sleepy Hollow. He loved music and poetry and horror movies and Vincent Price. He was kind and thoughtful. He was gentle. He was my go-to guy. He knew or would quickly find the answer to any question. He was smart. He prided himself on being funny and witty. He was clever. He was always very loving to me. He encouraged me and loved me and didn't judge me. When he found out how much I loved photography he bought me my first digital camera. He shared. He rooted for the underdog. We had lots of plans together. He was 32.

I still can't believe he is gone. I went to his funeral. I went through his things in the apartment where he died. I came back home. I've already put his things in my house. Life is moving on. But I miss him. I wish I could talk to him. I wish he had called me that day.

He had been suffering from depression for 14 years. He felt that his life had become unbearable. I wish I could have shouldered some of the burden for him. I know that I did help him I but wish I could have done more. I wish he was still here.

This is how I like to think of him now: happy and free and light. Floating like a leaf on the wind. Flying like a bird, legs swinging and the wind in his hair. I am not sure what waits for us all after we die, but I hope it includes peace for Jensen. I miss him and love him everyday.

Jensen Reed 11/14/1974-02/09/2007

The End of October

We have been so busy in the last couple of weeks. That is not the norm for us but we are enjoying it nonetheless.

At the end of October we took Ian to the NC State Fair for the first time. Buck was able to change work around for the day so he came with us. We had basically counted on not riding anything but Ian surprised us by asking to go through the funhouse and on the ferris wheel. It was a cool moment to be up in the air on a glorious day with my little family.

He and I shared a big turkey leg and corn, we looked at cows and various poultry, and Ian rode a real pony. Ian's favorite thing at the fair though was the cow robot. There was a plush cow who was riding on a mini John Deere tractor. The cow could talk and he could hear us talk too! Ian spent a long time just watching the cow from the sidelines. After a while he felt comfortable enough to approach the cow. He talked to the cow a bit and gave it a pat on the head before running off.

There can be only one

HowManyOfMe.com

There is: 1 person with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?